There are many instances that I could cite here where physically and sexually abusive fathers have gained custody of the children in custody battles, but instead I will list only a few of the more heinous crimes done to these children legally in divorce court. Sure fathers have rights to the children too but what about in these cases where the children are harmed? Does that not effectively prove to the court that they are unfit? Do these fathers still deserve visitation with these innocent, traumatized children? If you had been raped repeatedly as a child, can you imagine a judge forcing you to visit with the person who hurt you?
Father X was furious when Mother X filed for divorce. The judge forced the mother to take the kids for visitation anyway. Father X had made threats in court but the judge would not relent. Mother X came back to get the children and found them hanging by a home-made noose. The children survived barely. The judge in the case placed the mother in jail for refusing to allow any more visitation. The father eventually did go to jail for attempted murder but only after a year fighting for custody of the children.
Father X was recorded threatening to kidnap the children when he was allowed visitation. The mother would never see her children again. This was played for the judge in divorce court. The judge told the mother that if she did not allow visitation, she would go to jail. An arrest warrant was placed for the mother but she went through criminal court to have the father arrested for threats made against her children.
Father X raped his young teen daughter. Mother X refused to allow more visitation. The father cited parental alienation as the reason for the claims against him. He won custody and the mother is still fighting for her daughter.
There are websites that tell how fathers win custody of their children through citing parental alienation although they have physically and sexually harmed their children. Manuals are sold online to help fathers win custody or visitation of these children. Yanking even breastfed infants away from their mothers. Step by step directions on how to win in custody battles for fathers who have never been involved with the children. Children who never even saw their father before are being sent to a stranger’s house basically. Can you imagine how horrifying and traumatizing this would be for a small child? Typically mothers do not fight in court for no visitation unless there is a good reason. Mothers who trust fathers to take good care of the children will not resist a visitation schedule. Mothers who have any qualms about it should be listened to by the courts. Mothers’ instincts come into play here as well.
Small children need stability. Why judges do not take this into consideration is a puzzle to me. How they allow fathers who have never cared for a child before to take over full custody is beyond my comprehension. If a parent has been the full time caregiver, why would a judge change this? Parental alienation. A made-up term supposedly meaning that the mother has turned the children against their father. Strangely most mothers would never even speak to their children about grown-up issues such as an unfit father. They don’t need to do that, these children know that their father is a stranger to them. They know when they have been abused. If a child is refusing to go on visitation, the judge should take a closer look as to why. Of course the father’s rights advocates blame the mother, hence "parental alienation" claims.
If a child is alienated from their father, it could be for good reason and have nothing to do with the mother at all. This is centered more around mothers as it is rare that a father will be a full time caregiver. Usually it is the mother doing all of the caregiving while the father works. There are many reasons for this happening…for fathers to get custody and liberal visitation although there are health and safety concerns for the children. Most judges are men and side with the fathers. The woman’s attorney is a cheap one as the mother can’t afford a better attorney. The men’s attorneys are highly paid attorneys, fathers are the breadwinners in most all cases. So mothers start out lower on the totem pole. The judge is already against her and the father has the better attorney. The deck is stacked against her. This isn’t only about mothers though. It is about protecting our children from harm.
Divorce is not painful in and of itself. The pain for children comes from being torn away from their homes, away from their mothers. The children stop trusting adults when they are forced to go with an abusive parent. The judge ordered it after all, the mother didn’t stop it, and the father wasn’t placed in jail where he belongs. The harrassment of mothers needs to stop in family court. The traumatizing of children needs to stop in family courts around the United States. It is never in a child’s best interests to be sent with an abusive father or a total stranger whichever the case may be. Judges need to look up and pay attention during custody disputes. Children of divorce depend on them to make the right decisions.
Published by Carolyn Foster
Claudine Dombrowski
Battered Mothers - A Human Rights Issue 
This article is making me sick to my stomach as I read what looks like my entire situation. I lost my son after my son made “statements” about abuse in his father’s house. I repeated my son’s words to 12 different people who were put on our child custody case and their responses were horrendous. When a 7 year old child tells the professional he wants to: kill himself, run away, kill daddy, blow daddy up and this is ALL said during supervised visits. Supervised visits that were imposed upon the mother after she repeated her child’s same words to the court and protective services 2 years before. Now as the child is 9, he still makes the statements and when the court gets them, they give them to dad’s atty. and she lets dad read them. You can only imagine the next supervised visit with child. WON’T talk about anything, gets mad at the supervisor’s presence and says and I quote “I can’t talk or say anything because I got in trouble for saying things and it was reported! No one helps me mommy so I hate it here!”
Another frightening thing is this child is not merely blurting these things out, he goes into vivid detail as to how he plans to carry out his mission of murder and his escape plan. Keep in mind, mother has NO history of abuse against child or father, NO drug or alcohol abuse, NO men in her home since her divorce, NO charges period against mother. Mother was punished for tape recording her child when NO ONE would believe the words coming out of this child’s mouth so the court system ran with this as a “bad” thing mom had done. Mother has been pro-se for all of this and has recently filed 3 motions before the court to PLEASE look at this case again due to child’s statements.
About dad, and this is all truthful and documented at various police stations, hospitals and employers. Dad has been convicted of felonious assault, domestic violence w/previous wife, fired from work for beating up an employee he was merely supposed to fire, domestic violence with this mom, been kicked out of several sporting events for verbally assaulting & taunting referees, has cheated numerous times, has tried to kill himself 4 times and has spent 1 week in a psychiatric hospital after the last attempt on his life. Dad met a woman 75 days after last suicide attempt at a bar and moved right in w/her and her children. I mean moved in right from meeting her at the bar. She is a sociopath just like dad and they have blazed a path of threats and lies through the community about mom. The community believed them at first but is now seeing how manipulative these 2 are.
Father & mother have had 3 Forensic Psychological evals. done and dad looks horrible in all of them. Mom shined through the first one, wasn’t permitted to see the second one and the 3rd one deems her as a “lioness trying to protect her cubs.” But because dad’s new wife has money to burn, they have won almost every time.
The last day in court a NEW judge agreed that there needs to be a new GAL assigned for child. This is a JOKE!! GAL taunted mother right out of the gate as “playing the victim” and said he won’t do anything immediate for the child until he goes through his 3 month long process of evaluating all the parties involved. Mother got smart mouthed with the GAL and said “maybe we need to read about a murder before you will act faster than 3 months” GAL sounds more like a bully on the phone than someone who truly has child’ best interest at heart.
As for dad, he has lied about everything in his past. He has fessed up to 1 suicide attempt and hid all the official paperwork from the evaluators that show his criminal past, his suicide attempts, and his overall past. Mother didn’t find out that dad has “re-created himself” and injected himself into this case as a “new” person until after the court made it’s decision. Now mother has collected ALL of this information and needs to know how to get it in front of the court.
Who carries the most weight with “fraud on the court?” Will mother get in trouble if she goes to media outlets, or posts valid information on the Internet? Mother is still not able to afford an attorney and has amassed a strong legal background on her own, but, still doesn’t know how to get this in front of someone who will make a swifter decision while a child is verbally abused and threatened by his father. I am open to any and all suggestions that point me in the direction of the biggest audience so I can out this guy for the lies and the current abuse he is placing on our son.
I can’t sleep at night or day for that matter worrying about when my child will try to kill himself or his father. My baby needs to come home.
Is it illegal for a mother to take this kind of information to the local newspaper or to post her story online? Since women start lower on the totem pole because they aren’t the breadwinners then there has got to be a “legal” way to out the father and legal system so they act in the best interest of the child.
So, will posting online get a mother in trouble? Dad has NO problem doing it and he isn’t held accountable for his actions.
Any thoughts???