The Genocide of Battered Mothers and their Children

Posts Tagged ‘husband’

Another “Perfect Family” Slaughtered by Father

In domestic law on September 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Rocky Nelson, a friend, said the Teagarden father was “a nice guy. He didn’t party. He worked. He was really into his family, so it was a big shock to me when I heard about this.”
Nelson added, “To me, they was like the perfect little family.”

Amplify’d from www.wtae.com
 

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ORGAN TOWNSHIP, Pa. — A husband, wife and two children that a friend described as “the perfect little family” were found shot to death at their rural home in Morgan Township, Greene County.

A news conference is scheduled for 2 p.m. Stay with WTAE.com for updates.

State police at the Waynesburg station said troopers were sent to the Teagarden residence on Chartiers Road just after 10 p.m. Sunday to check on the welfare of the family.

Police say upon arrival, they discovered the husband, wife and two children all dead.

It was not immediately known what caused police to check on the family.

Police said their investigation is being handled as a murder/suicide and autopsies were scheduled for later in the day.

Rocky Nelson, a friend, said the Teagarden father was “a nice guy. He didn’t party. He worked. He was really into his family, so it was a big shock to me when I heard about this.”

Nelson added, “To me, they was like the perfect little family.”

“He never mentioned any problems of any kind,” said neighbor Don Bates, who, like Nelson, said the Teagardens seemed to be “a very happy family.”

The devastating news spread quickly to Jefferson-Morgan Elementary School, where Superintendent Donna Furnier was moved to tears upon learning that a third-grade student was one of the victims.

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Read more at www.wtae.com

 

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Indiana Mother Has Not Seen or Spoken to Her American Born Son Allegedly Abducted to Egypt by His Father Three Years Ago When Son was Three

In domestic law on July 27, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Amplify’d from www.fladivorcelawblog.com

Husband and Wife have Son while living together in Indiana.

Husband is from Egypt.

Husband and Wife’s marriage is rocky.

While Wife is in the hospital, Husband allegedly abducts then three year old Son to his native Egypt.

Indiana family court awards Wife sole custody of Son.

Three years ago.

But Husband has not allowed Wife to see or speak to Son since.

Son has also had no contact with his big sister, from whom he was inseparable until the day he was abducted.

Husband was always insistent that Son be raised in the Muslim faith.

Wife never gave permission for Son to obtain a passport or to travel abroad.

However Husband was able to obtain an emergency passport for Son without Wife’s permission. It is unclear but the passport may have been issued by Egypt rather than the US.

The US government requires both parents’ consent to issue a passport for a minor child under sixteen years of age.

As an extra measure of protection, it is possible for either parent to place an alert so that the US government does not issue a passport for their child.

But parents should know that several foreign countries grant dual citizenship to American children of their nationals and may issue passports by their own country with only the permission of the parent who is a national of that country.

Egypt is not a party to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Wife’s US child custody order is not recognized in Egypt.

Seventy-four percent of the abducted children returned to the US in 2009 were abducted to Hague Convention countries.

Mother, as an American, non-Muslim woman, reportedly would not prevail in any child custody battle in Egypt’s own family courts.

Read more in this Evansville [IN] Courier Press article: Evansville’s Missing People: Life without Adam.

Read more at www.fladivorcelawblog.com

 

She once escaped a killer – under today’s laws she would still be trapped

In domestic law on July 24, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Amplify’d from www.theherald.com.au
Author Helen Cummings
elen Cummings, with her daughter, actress Sarah Wynter and son Brendan.

IT WAS the summer of 1976 when Helen Cummings found the courage to leave her violent husband, take the children, pack the car and head for a new life.

Her husband, Stuart Wynter, was a respected doctor but in the privacy of his home he was a tyrant. His tirades, physical abuse, need for absolute obedience and a growing interest in guns finally compelled her to escape. Eight years later, his second wife and their child were not so lucky. He killed them both and then himself.

Now Ms Cummings wonders whether she would leave that marriage today given the Family Law Act’s emphasis since the 2006 amendments on children maintaining a ”meaningful relationship” with both parents. She thinks she would probably stay rather than leave her two children alone with their father in some shared care arrangement the court might order. Read an extract from Helen Cummings’ memoir, Blood Vows.

”What scares me is that today I would not have left. It was easier to leave then; family law in the 1970s and 1980s offered a degree of protection to women like me.”

She describes herself as the daughter of a famous mother and the mother of a famous daughter. Her mother was the late Joy Cummings, Australia’s first female lord mayor, and mayor of Newcastle from 1974-84; her daughter is the US-based actor Sarah Wynter.

But with the publication of her memoir, Blood Vows (The Five Mile Press), Ms Cummings, 61, is achieving fame herself. Her graphic account sheds light on a particular kind of domestic despot, the middle-class professional, much admired by outsiders, who treats his wife as property. It also shows how a woman can blame herself for a man’s violence, look to her own behaviour as a possible trigger and live in fear. And it is a valedictory to Rakentati Wynter, Stuart’s second wife, and their four-year-old daughter, Binatia.

”In writing our story, I hope I’ve resurrected a little of the life that was taken from them.”

It took Ms Cummings six years to leave. She was 20 when she married, madly in love and in awe. He was a leader in the anti-Vietnam war movement. She was an accomplished singer. They made their home in Gloucester, north of Newcastle, where she devoted herself to Sarah and son Brendan while her husband won the esteem of his patients.

Read more at www.theherald.com.au

 

(MO) Missing mother of triplets who vanished six weeks ago was in divorce dispute with husband Who is a PERSON of Interest

In domestic law on July 15, 2011 at 12:21 pm

A missing mother of triplets who vanished six weeks ago was finalising her divorce AND CHILD CUSTODY on the day she disappeared. FATHER is a person of interest in her disappearance.

Amplify’d from www.dailymail.co.uk

The family of Jacque Waller today claimed the 39-year-old Missouri mother of five-year-old triplets was the victim of domestic abuse and that her estranged husband, a former police officer, knows where she is.

Mrs Waller’s husband, Clay Waller, has been labelled by police as person of interest, but not a suspect in his wife’s disappearance.

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Missing: Mother of triplets Jacque Waller disappeared six weeks ago

‘He tore my family to pieces,’ Mrs Waller’s father, Stan Rawson, this morning told Good Morning America. ‘I have no doubt in my mind. I stand by anything I’ve said.’

Mr Rawson yesterday posted a message to Mr Waller on the family’s ‘Find Jacque S Waller’ Facebook page.

‘I just wanted to mention that you’re not fooling anybody at all,’ he wrote. ‘I under the sheriff has a [sic] orange jumpsuit picked out for you, and a fine room at the Cross Bar Hotel.

‘You will regret hurting my girl and the Tripps—I promise you will!’
Mr Waller was the last person to see his wife alive on June 1.

The couple separated in March and had met earlier in the day to finalise paperwork for their divorce.

Mrs Waller was last seen when she went to her estranged husband’s home to pick up her son.

Separated: Mr and Mrs Waller were in the process of getting divorced
Separated: Mr and Mrs Waller were in the process of getting divorced
Mother of triplets: Jacque Waller was reported missing on June 1

Mother of triplets: Jacque Waller was reported missing on June 1

Search: Police are appealing for help finding Jacque Waller

Search: Police are appealing for help finding Jacque Waller

Mr Waller told police in an interview following his wife’s disappearance that the couple had fought and that she had left his home at around 4pm by foot.

He said that he then left his home and returned around two hours later to find her car gone. It was later found abandoned with a flat tyre on the interstate.

Police yesterday said that business
cards belonging to Mrs Waller, who works for Blue Cross Blue Shield, had
been found on a stretch of road ten miles from where her car was
discovered.

James Humphreys, Jackson chief of police, told ABC News: ‘We are now well over 250 leads into it [the investigation].

‘We still have not found Jacque, but we’re still continuing to search every day and each week.’

Mr Rawson said: ‘The police are operating on the assumption that something must have happened, that’s for sure.
Claims: Mrs Waller's parents, Stan and Ruby Rawson, told Good Morning America that their daughter had been the victim of domestic violence

Claims: Mrs Waller’s parents, Stan and Ruby Rawson, told Good Morning America that their daughter had been the victim of domestic violence

‘I am operating on the assumption that something did happen, and have no doubt in my mind about what happened.’

His wife, Ruby Rawson, told Good Morning America that she confronted her son-in-law on the night her daughter disappeared.

‘I asked him what he’d done to her and he said ‘I didn’t do anything,’ Mrs Rawson told Good Morning America.

‘I said, “Yeah, you did and you know you did, because of all the threats you’ve been saying to her over the last year”.’

‘He said, “I have never threatened her”, and I said, “Yes, you did, and we knew it all along”.’

In a statement, Mr Waller’s attorney said: ‘Mr. Waller misses his wife and hopes she is found okay.

Family: Mrs Waller with her two daughters and an unknown baby

Family: Mrs Waller with her two daughters and an unknown baby in a photograph courtesy of the Southeast Missourian

Disappearance: Mrs Waller had been finalising her divorce on the day she went missing

Disappearance: Mrs Waller had been finalising her divorce on the day she went missing

Found: Mrs Waller's car was found with a punctured tyre on the interstate

Found: Mrs Waller’s car was found with a punctured tyre on the interstate

‘He had nothing to do with her
disappearance and sympathises with her family. We will not try this case
in the media while there is an ongoing investigation.’

The couple’s three children, five-year-old triplets Maddox, Avery and Addison, are being cared for by Mrs Waller’s sister.

A court on Tuesday again denied any visitation rights to Mr Waller who has not been allowed to see his children since the week his wife disappeared..

Mrs Waller’s family have organised searches and put up a $3,500 reward for information leading to her return.

Read more at www.dailymail.co.uk

 

MOTHERS: What to Expect When You Are Expecting a Divorce

In domestic law on July 13, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Expect Hell—and your every expectation will be met.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2011/07/08/what-to-expect-when-are-expecting-divorce/#ixzz1S0lKKR6H

Amplify’d from www.foxnews.com

Although divorce is epidemic, parents do not know what to expect when they expect a divorce. Mothers expect their lawyers to function as emotional confidantes and feel betrayed when that is not the case. Fathers are more business-like in their approach. If custody is at issue, mothers tend to be blinded by anxiety and outrage so that they do not think clearly, strategically, or flexibly. They feel their back is to the wall and that compromise is not possible.

One cannot compromise with a violent husband, an abusive father, or with a man who is intentionally impoverishing his family. And yet one must also understand the rules of the legal system and abide by them.

As a service to mothers, I interviewed Susan L. Bender, a leading Manhattan matrimonial lawyer. Here is what a mother needs to know before she engages a lawyer.

Even if the mother is in emotional free fall, she must become a hard-headed pragmatist. A women expects her husband to be her protector not her most dangerous enemy. But when war erupts, many women do not know how to fight to win. 

For example, Bender said:

“I have a case where my client discovered her husband removed her jewelry, her memorabilia, the children’s baby pictures and her grandmother’s wedding band. Without her knowledge he cancelled her credit cards so when she went to the gas station to fill up her car her credit card was declined. He even cancelled her credit at the local grocery store without telling her. Of course, the computer was wiped clean and there was not a single bill in the house. She didn’t even have the cab money to come to my office.”

A mother must learn everything about her family’s finances. According to Bender:

“Many women do not have an understanding of what the family expenses are, don’t know where the checkbook is, whether the bills are paid online, etc. They do not understand their health insurance coverage, tax returns, or investments. They are often shocked when their husbands block access to credit cards and bank accounts.”

Bender is talking about young, educated, and professional women, not just about older, traditional mothers. Bender describes a client who, even though she herself has an MBA from the Wharton School of Business:

“Naively depended on her husband to manage the family expenses. She never questioned him. She never looked at a credit card or bank statement, never questioned the expenses and was shocked to learn that her husband was a gambler and the family was living on credit. When she came to me, the co-op apartment was in foreclosure and the IRS had liens on their accounts. “

Next, according to Bender, a woman must educate herself about the law so that her expectations are realistic. She needs to know that her case “could take years; there is no instant justice” and that “her attorney cannot right any of the wrongs she suffered during her marriage.” For example, a woman may have fulfilled her maternal and wifely obligations full-time and for decades, after which her wealthy husband may leave and impoverish her. She may not be able to continue living at the same level. As Bender says: “What she wants and what she needs will be very different from what the law is going to provide to her. So she has to pay an attorney to get the best that the law can provide, knowing in advance that it won’t be enough.”

Third, a woman must make her peace with the fact that lawyers expect to be paid. This is often hard for a woman whose life has just been unjustly and dangerously upended. More, a woman must accept that she will have to pay top dollar for a time-consuming and torturous process that will, at best, deliver “imperfect justice.” She must downscale her expectations both of the law and of her lawyer. According to Bender: “Her attorney can only help her resolve the dissolution of her marriage and resolve the financial and custodial issues in her case.”

Finally, mothers who have been traumatized and betrayed, must understand that lawyers and judges are not necessarily conspiring against her. While lawyers and judges belong to the same professional associations and attend or co-present at the same educational seminars, this does not mean that they are corrupt. While they—and courtroom experts– may be biased, they do not usually cut “dirty deals.” Bender, who is valued as both honest and ethical states:

“Most of us know the boundaries of our relationships and very few of us violate those boundaries.”

Phyllis Chesler, Ph.D. is a psychologist and writes frequently for Fox News.com. This is based on an excerpt from an interview which appears in the 25th anniversary edition of her book “Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody,” which features eight new chapters and a new resources section.

Read more at www.foxnews.com

 

Why a mom may have stayed with an abusive husband

In domestic law on July 6, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Amplify’d from www.washingtonpost.com
On not forgiving Mom for failing to leave an abuser:

There’s a chance the mother had been told that if she left, he would kill her and/or her parents and take the kids where no one would find them. Battered women have seen the violence these men are capable of and feel the risk is higher in leaving than staying. It happened to my sister-in-law and now her children resent her for not leaving sooner. She never told them about the threats because even though he was a monster, he was their father and she didn’t want them carrying that extra baggage. My sister-in-law gave up 25 years of her life to protect her kids until he finally left to be with his mistress. We thank God every day that he is her problem now.

Has she considered that her mother didn’t have the support or resources to leave? She also may have felt she had no proof of abuse to prevent their father from sharing custody. Abuse that she may have felt would escalate with a divorce. That would leave her children alone with the abuser without any protection whatsoever.

Maybe this mother actually gave up her own happiness to do what she felt she had to in order to protect her children from something worse.

Read more at www.washingtonpost.com

 

CONCORD, N.H.—A husband apparently shot his wife to death at their Concord home, then turned the gun on himself

In domestic law on June 16, 2011 at 4:50 pm

“This is clearly a domestic incident,” Strelzin said. “There’s some history here, but we’re not sure exactly how much history and how in-depth, that’s what Concord (police) is investigating.”–[YOU DON’T SAY? WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE? THE HISTORY? THE ACTUAL MURDER?]

HOMELAND TERRORISM— nothing is ‘domestic’ about torture, mayhem and murder.

Women at risk when trying to end abusive relationships

In domestic law on June 13, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Andria is in the process of divorcing her abusive husband, which puts her in even more danger right now, domestic violence experts say.

Three-fourths of people killed by domestic violence either were leaving or had just left an abusive relationship and filed for divorce and or orders of protection.

Amplify’d from onlineathens.com
a man who shot and killed his wife last Sunday as they met to exchange custody of their children at a Fulton County shopping center.
he very next day, Andria learned that a man shot and killed his wife who was divorcing him in Jackson County, then committed suicide near downtown Athens.
I hate that these women keep dying, and the only thing I can say that’s keeping me from being killed depends on how much (my husband) doesn’t want to go to jail,”
ndria is in the process of divorcing her abusive husband, which puts her in even more danger right now, domestic violence experts say.

Andria believes she might be murdered some day.


Special ||
Carlotta A. Shields and Anthony Tyrone Appling were married in 2008. He killed her and then himself June 6.
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Carlotta A. Shields and Anthony Tyrone Appling were married in 2008. He killed her and then himself June 6.

Jackson Living

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Her fear was re-enforced when she heard about a man who shot and killed his wife last Sunday as they met to exchange custody of their children at a Fulton County shopping center.

The very next day, Andria learned that a man shot and killed his wife who was divorcing him in Jackson County, then committed suicide near downtown Athens.

I hate that these women keep dying, and the only thing I can say that’s keeping me from being killed depends on how much (my husband) doesn’t want to go to jail,” said Andria, a 33-year-old Athens woman who asked to be identified by first name only.

Andria is in the process of divorcing her abusive husband, which puts her in even more danger right now, domestic violence experts say.

Three-fourths of people killed by domestic violence either were leaving or had just left an abusive relationship, said Maggie Reeves, research coordinator for the Georgia Commission on Family Violence, which documents domestic-related killings in an annual Domestic Violence Fatality Review.

“Georgia’s Fatality Review consistently finds that domestic violence homicide victims had taken steps toward independence just prior to the homicide,” Reeves said.

That’s what happened last week to Carlotta Shields Appling, a 39-year-old Jefferson woman whose divorce soon would be final. She moved out of the home she’d shared with her husband a month earlier, and had a court order that forbade him from having any contact with her.

But as Carlotta got ready for work Monday morning, 42-year-old Anthony Appling forced his way into her home and shot her to death in her bedroom, police said.

He drove Carlotta’s car to Athens – where he used to live and was twice convicted of stalking and assaulting a former girlfriend – and after police searched for him most of the day, Appling shot and killed himself on a street near Clarke Central High School.

The murder-suicide shows how pending divorce and protective orders aren’t enough to ensure an abused woman’s safety, Reeves said.

“Legal options can be a great tool, but for the abusers, they can be seen just as a piece of paper,” she said.

Women should consider developing “safety plans,” according to Reeves.

Andria – who left her husband and filed for divorce three months ago – meticulously follows a plan she formed with the help of an advocate from Athens-based Project Safe, a nonprofit that provides counseling, shelter and other services to victims of domestic violence.

She knows the violence her husband is capable of.

He assaulted her last summer – four months into their marriage – and she miscarried two days later, according to documents filed in Clarke County Superior Court.

Six months ago, while pregnant with another child, Andria’s husband pressed two knives to her stomach, but stopped when her 2-year-old daughter came into the room and begged, “Please don’t hurt my mommy,” according to the documents.

Andria knew by then it was only a matter of time that she would be seriously hurt or killed if she didn’t leave the relationship.

But before making a break she sought counseling from Project Safe advocates, who devised a plan for her to pack her stuff and move while her husband was at work, so there couldn’t be a violent confrontation.

“Safety plans are the bread and butter of our individual work with everyone,” said Joan Prittie, Project Safe’s executive director. “They try to anticipate the places and times when the victim might be most vulnerable and compromised.”

Under her plan, Andria bought a new car that her husband wouldn’t recognize, shops at different stores, and basically varies her routine each day to make it harder for him to stalk her.

“I drive to different places to buy gas, even if it costs me 10 or 20 cents more a gallon,” Andria said.

For good measure, Andria also convinced a judge to issue a temporary protective order, which states her husband can be arrested if he contacts or comes within 100 yards of her.

“They might just be pieces of paper, but a recent study actually showed that TPOs are, for the most part, effective,” Prittie said. “They are not a magic bullet, but for some people they are going to help if their abusers don’t want to go to jail.”

Andria’s husband knows where she works, so her employers have a copy of the protective order and know to call the police if they see him, she said. Even employees at her daughter’s daycare center and Andria’s obstetrician’s office have copies.

Still, she won’t hold eye contact for long if someone strikes up a conversation outdoors. Andria constantly looks around to make sure she sees any danger coming her way.

“People have told me that he’s starting to crack, that he doesn’t look too good and has been kind of violent, which means I have to be more careful,” she said. “I hate to say it, but you get used to living this way.”

Anyone who is in an abusive relationship may want to consider calling Project Safe’s 24-hour hotline, at (706) 543-3331.

Originally published in the Athens Banner-Herald on Sunday, June 12, 2011 report an error

Andria is in the process of divorcing her abusive husband, which puts her in even more danger right now, domestic violence experts say
Three-fourths of people killed by domestic violence either were leaving or had just left an abusive relationship,
Georgia’s Fatality Review consistently finds that domestic violence homicide victims had taken steps toward independence just prior to the homicide,
That’s what happened last week to Carlotta Shields Appling, a 39-year-old Jefferson woman whose divorce soon would be final. She moved out of the home she’d shared with her husband a month earlier, and had a court order that forbade him from having any contact with her.
But as Carlotta got ready for work Monday morning, 42-year-old Anthony Appling forced his way into her home and shot her to death in her bedroom,

Read more at onlineathens.com

 

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