The Genocide of Battered Mothers and their Children

Mothers on Trial: The Battle for Children and Custody

In domestic law on July 16, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Mothers on Trial , by Phyllis Chesler
Reviewed by Talia Carner
Not since slavery in the USA were mothers punished by having their children taken away from them. Yet, in family courts all across America, judges and quasi-judicial officers of the court do just that: children who are abused or molested by their fathers are removed from their primary-care good mothers and are placed in the hands of their molesting fathers.

How this scandal can go on for decades with hardly any change, without any public outcry, and without any protest from human rights’ activists is due to the fact that outsiders to the gutter of our family courts’ justice simply refuse to believe it.

In her revised and updated milestone fact-filled book, “Mothers on Trial,” Phyllis Chesler fights to save thousands of children from becoming yet another generation of victims of a court system that betrays them time and again. She points out that while adult women often recount childhood sexual molestation at home by close relatives—and these women’s stories are believed—people tend to disbelieve when actually facing such cases as they happen in real time, right in front of them.

It is a documented fact that when fathers fight for custody, 70% of the time they obtain full or partial custody. People often assume that the reason these men who, in most part, have not been fully involved in their children’s lives—sometimes have been absent for months or even years—now gain custody is because the mothers are unfit. The naked truth is that in most of these cases, the father is emotionally and verbally abusive or outright violent. The mother, often the product of an abusive home, often abused for years in her marriage to the father of her children, now faces battle for which she is woefully unequipped to wage. Distraught, terrified, isolated, alienated in a system that scrutinizes her with the same critical and belittling attitude she’s encountered in her private lives, panicked over the fate of her sexually molested children, she seems “emotional” “unreasonable” and “difficult.” Her refusal to share parenting or give access to a man who sexually molest her children is viewed as her being “rigid” and “uncooperative.”

Furthermore, with limited or no financial resources, she comes to court either unrepresented by an attorney, or by an incompetent lawyer with little interest in the complexity of such a case. Or, as is often the case, she does not have the funds to keep the protracted legal battle a high-conflict custody case requires. Filing fees, transcripts, payments to evaluators and her lawyer’s hourly rate quickly rise to thousands of dollars.

In the 1990s I stumbled upon the phenomenon of protective mothers losing these battles in drove, researched it for a few years, and finally published a novel about one such fictional mother in 2002. (Puppet Child .) Since then, I became an activist, trying to find ways to save thousands of children each year from family court’s “justice.” What amazes me is how little has changed in the over decade in which I’ve witnessed more mothers enter the nightmare of family court, where they are discredited, disenfranchised and disbelieved.

Dr. Chesler has been at it a lot longer. Twenty-five years ago she published “Mothers on Trial,” a book that starts with the history of men’s ownership of their families and the lingering feudal notion of male supremacy as the head of the household. She pointed then—and continues to do so now in this excellent revised edition—that society and court hold men to much lower parenting standards than they do women. Mothers fail at every single check list (Does the divorced mother have sex? Is she overwrought with anxiety? Is she poor?) while men can be cold, disinterested, dysfunctional or even violent and they will be excused. In fact, fathers are given new chances time and again to foster their relationships with their children regardless of their abhorrent personal histories, while mothers’ contact with their children are not only curtailed or cut down to expensive supervised visitations, but all too often are severed completely.

If a father poisons a child’s mind against the mother, it does not enter into the question of his parenting skills. But all too often, a child’s fear of an abusive father is regarded as the mother’s brainwashing the child, rather than the father’s own doing. A judge will then chastise the mother for not encouraging enough the relationship with the father—and actually transfer custody to that abusive father. The notion of the best interest of the child and how much the child stands to suffer from cutting the bond with the primary caretaking mother while shuttling into a new life with a man the child fears, does not enter into the equation.

A chapter on Fathers’ Supremacist Movement, reports that fathers’ rights groups have also gathered steam in recent decades and have organized themselves in ways that mothers have failed to do. Some leaders in fathers’ groups have a recorded history of battering their wives or girlfriends, or are convicted pedophiles. Others may have a legitimate concern about shared parenting, but have been expressing strong misogynistic opinions. Common to both ends of the spectrum is the way fathers have been presenting themselves: as persecuted victims. They have been receiving media attention and courtroom sympathy with bogus theories (foremost is Parental Alienation Syndrome that is used almost exclusively against mothers,) and have been successful in passing legislation, due in part to Federal funding under the uncritical assumption that children need equal contact with both parents. Mothers do not have access to equal Federal funding.

In this revised edition, after editing out six chapters and adding eight more while updating the available research, Dr. Chesler examines closely many such cases of outright injustice that defy anything people know and believe possible in our society.

Phyllis Chesler’s book is a must read for every judge, court evaluation, guardian ad litem, social worker, psychologist and lawyer. But more importantly, it should be read by anyone who cares about human rights or about children, because it is time we raise our collective indignation to stop and reverse the life sentence without parole our courts inflict upon children placed in the hands of their molesters.

(To order the book, please click: Mothers On Trial  )

Read more at taltellstales.blogspot.com

 

  1. These facts were VERY interesting and helpful to my situation and I’m going to the library to get the book today. I am going through a horrid custody battle. My ex and I were never married, but I just finally put an end to a horror show type of abusive relationship of 10 + yrs, in which I endured serious abuse, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and I have 5 children, only sharing the 2 younger children in common with my ex, they are 8, and 6 yrs old. They were directly subjected to the violence no matter how hard I tried to prevent that it was out of my control, my 6 yr old son felt that he had to step up to his own father and protect me, not even being affraid and he should have been. I was awarded a permanent Domestic Violence Protection order stating that he couldn’t even speak with the children on the telephone(that was not at my request) The judge added that. To the order. So I had relaxed we had no more court hearings scheduled for anything, though the children and I were scared every night when it turned dark from him stalking us, and was already arrested the next day after the Protection order was in place, then was bailed out by new girlfriend. New girlfriend then repeatedly drove him to stalk me and the children just to intimidate and scare us, he violated the protection order so much that the courts put and electronic ankle bracelet on him. And in the mean time, I’m left with trying to deal with my cancer that Has aggressively spread, and trying to maintain in front of children abnd do all daily household things to keep it as normal for the children as possible. Whatever normal even is anymore. Then all of the sudden my children didn’t get off their school bus as I waited. I called the school in a panic and spoke with the principle who said that the childrens father picked them up, and he had court papers stating he could, along with a restraining order against me. Apparently his attorney notified me through email of an emergency hearing they had the day before he actually picked up the children, obviously I didn’t get the email in order to show up for the hearing and contest it. And it has been a month now, and my children are withdrawn won’t talk, we have had 3 hearings scheduled and him and his lawyer have continued them every time so the temp order is still in place and the matter hasn’t even been heard yet. In the mean time my father has had to obtain a protection order as well, because he ran a red light in order to try and run my father off the road, then approached my fathers vehicle to threaten him. Last week, while my children were at his home alone. The girlfriend has done time in prison for stabbing someone and has drug charges, and my poor innocent children were just thrown under the bus so to speak and without warning told they had to go home from school with their father whom they are very affraid of. We are supposed to have court tomorrow becasuse he has petitioned the courts in order to terminate what’s left of the Domestic Violence Protection Order, and he has 8 different Domestic Violence Charges with 8 diff women. As well as many regular assault charges that weren’t considered domestic violence as well as several charges of violating those protection orders also he and myself have 3 Domestic Violence charges together over the 10 yrs, in which I never called the police, I knew better, it was always a neighbor or outsider of somesort. So the hearing tomorrow is not even to hear the order in which he was granted the children and I was not there.. I’m so emotionally and physically drained and exhausted and dealing with my cancer pains daily and trying to focus on protecting my precious babies is getting harder and harder, but I will fight for them forever even if it kills me trying.

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